You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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