ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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