I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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