pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
