I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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