I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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