never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
