I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize