just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
