I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't turn off my feet"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
