I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
