Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
