really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
