too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
