hell yes lets make some ravioli
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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