She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
