Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
