So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
