Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
