I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
