Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That's when you crack a 10am beer
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
