get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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