First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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