it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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