I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
