Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
