When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Boobs are out for the taking
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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