I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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