Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
