If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
