I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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