Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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