Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
