i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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