We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
