Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
and you fell through a lawn chair
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
