i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
