The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
