I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
