I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
