I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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