I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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