It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
