That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Randomize
