the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
