nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
