he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
