Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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