I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
