My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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