haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
