his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
