so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
