Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
