Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
