new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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