What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
