i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
