Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
there is glitter all over my balls
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