ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize