I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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