Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
