He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
