I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
