I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Are we still banned from the library?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
