I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
