OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
