so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
