I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
